The run down to Christmas...

So, the run down to my first Christmas abroad.

Going to start with the return to the hostel of Spanks (Lenka, which went to Lenky, Wanky, Spanky and then Spanks) who is a Czech girl who wants to be British and lives in Devon. Top girl, good bant and loves a bit of sarcasm. While we are on nicknames, dutch Tim is a dead ringer for the Honey monster, cross Harry from the Hendersons. Check the pic at the bottom, you decide.

We have been surfing frontera beach a lot recently (beach with all the wildlife) as we haven't had huge amounts of swell and its rarely busy. On one of our usual morning surfs here we met more dolphins. This time they were jumping out of the water and playing in a pod of around 5 or 6 less than 3 metres from us. Amazing! I also managed to catch the best wave of my trip so far. A pretty sizey left came through the lineup and i dropped into a fast steep wave. I manged to get in a few turns before connecting the final part of the wave, another few turns and i kicked out still stood on my board as the pro's do! Ecstatically i did a pretty shit back flip off my board as my final move. Pat had seen it all which made me feel like the back flip didn't go to waste. A few days later we returned but there were no dolphins and i surfed like shit. To top it off i managed to get my board caught in one of the many fishing nets just as 2 waves approached. So imagine paddling towards a wave and being pulled back knowing your stuck. Nice. After being rag dolled around by two waves still attached to a fishing net i managed to untangle myself and catch my breath and scurry to safety. Very scary!

We had some new arrivals at the hostel. Thor (Norweigan Adonis of a man and a doctor) and Chris (all round top Aussie) who met a few months earlier and have been living in Lima for the last month partying. Sadly we had to say bye to the Fins, Vanessa and Winnifried! I have also  started to try and improve my Spanish by chatting to a young lad called Felipe who is staying here and working at a local restaurant. He's Argentinian and only speaks a bit of English which is cool as we try to chat in each others native language, this has mixed results but its helping!

So the food out here is awesome although Peruvians are big on the double (minimum, often 3 or 4) carbs with each meal. Most days for lunch we have this awesome potato dish called Huancaina. Its basically boiled sliced spuds with a spicy creamy sauce. Amazing, followed by chicken or beef with loads of carbs and varied tasty sauces. The other day we had no native Spanish speakers at lunch and went for a lottery lunch. After my standard Huancaina starter I went for Cau-cau, regrettably. This consists of tripe and stomach meat with rice and potatoes in a yellow sauce with some veg. It was the only meal I haven't finished here, It smelt horrendous and the meat looked like a starfish! I also managed to try Ceviche, this is raw chunks of white fish cooked by lime juice, onions and chilli. Pretty tasty and i hate fish!

It was the Honey monster and Melissa's last few days so we decided to have another rum night. Ouch. After a non eventful morning surf we went to check out the surf shops. We got off the bus near the cash point as the honey monster had run low on funds. I was pretty confident where the shops were so off we went. After about 40 minutes of walking the honey monster told us the shops were about 20ft on the other side of the cash point. Smooth. On the walk back we decided to stop for a bite and the honey monster chose the only place with no one eating. Pat had some chicken (which arrived unbelievably raw) while the rest of us had chips. Everything tasted like cillit bang, ive never had bleach chips before and it wasn't a good experience. Back at the hostel we chatted loads about a number of things but then decided that we are going to buy some land  (4.5k sq metres) in either Guatemala or Sri Lanka and build the 'Lifestyle Hostel". We only need €25k each. If anybody wants in please contact me...

We decided to wait until after dinner to open the rum, this was based on the piss poor performance at the last rum night by the honey monster (he was sick before dinner at 8pm and retired for the evening after melissa found him on the  bathroom floor). After the usual many games of shit head (shit head is a loud fun card game where the aim is to not be shit head whilst screwing as many of your opponent's over as you can. Other than eating and surfing this is one of the only things everyone gets involved in. Pat and I are proud to have introduced it to Peru). As the night wore on some of the gang went to the clubs, i was tired so chatted to the dutch for a bit and retired to bed. Turns out i missed a good night. The guys went skinny dipping but Pat and Spanks decided to swim around the rocks and back to the beach, in the dark, smashed. This was followed by watching the sun rise on the roof terrace and Pat jumping 10ft down onto our balcony. The next day he struggled to walk as his feet hurt. Smooth.

Christmas eve!

So in Peru they celebrate Christmas by having a big dinner at midnight. Pat and I volunteered to get Christmas day supplies for the gang from the mad market at Lurin. Our shopping list was simple, rum x 3 L, ginger ale x 4 L, 10 limes, chocolate and 10 santa hats. Simples. In the process of procuring said items i tried to use my new improved Spanish to secure some good prices. We spent the equivalent of $70 and got $2 discount, result. We did see a bit of peruvian culture though, they caught a thief at the market and made him stand at the front shirtless with a big sign around his neck saying "Soy Rateros". I am a rat! Back in the car park loco Matt (sadly not one of my nicknames but well deserved) bought some fireworks from a nice old boy.

Back at the hostel the rum started to flow but it was ok as we had bought enough for 2 days. Abraham and G worked hard on what was a fucking ridiculously good dinner! So the rum was now flowing and we were approaching midnight. Loco Matt whipped out the fireworks and set a rocket off from his hand. Pat had a go, bottled it near the end and threw it on the floor for it to go wild and bang about a foot from the table. G then managed to do the same! Loco Matt suggested we try something more fun, a duel! 2 v 2 stood 20 metres from each other each with one rocket each. Aim of the game, dont get hit! After lighting on the count of 3 my heartbeat was racing, pure adrenaline of shooting a firework at your mate whilst ensuring you dont get hit. So all alive and in once piece we hit the roof terrace for loco Matts firework finale and Peru's impresive display (fireworks are cheap here so everyone went nuts!). We got to the roof terrace and the firework was lit, it was one of those 9 shot things. After the first one fired it instantly fell over and shot 8 more times at the group who had nowhere to go as we were on the roof, G and Richard took one to the legs and Pat got hit in the face, well actually his hair! Don't try this at home kids...

After that mad 20 minutes i was lucky enough to watch the best firework show of my life for well over an hour. From the roof you could see probably 50 miles up and down the coast including the city of Lima with 9m people! You could see and hear fireworks for as far as the eyes could go. Unbelievable and i have been informed that this is nothing compared to new years eve!

After the fireworks we (Chris, Pat, loco Matt and me) got into playing shit head for money. This got serious, the sun came up, we played on, people got up for breakfast, we played on. At around 10.30am (we reckon maybe 8 hours of cards) not only was the night done along with all 3 litres of rum but it was Christmas day! I had been planning to surf and make the most of it. What happened was i did nothing but feel like dog shit and hide from the world. At around 8pm i felt human again and went straight to bed.

Its now Friday and the parties are going to start all over again. Looking forward to 2015 and more crazy fun times!

For more pictures check #landlockedsurferletloose on instagram and on the links below.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10205244706574478.1073741831.1150967679&type=1&l=5d0be0770d

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10205169936745279.1073741830.1150967679&type=1&l=792867bbcd

Dan.

Week one, plus a bit!

The alarm went off at 7.55am. Its breakfast time and im in Peru baby. Crazy eggs and bread with jam, mental smoothie and we're off to surf with the gang. A few yanks, an Aussie, a Greek guy an Argentinian and a Brit called Bob (who I gave the nickname 'crazy bob').

We turned up to see what was described to me as a 'small day'. It was about 6-7ft on the wave face at a rocky point break. That's right on the edge of my comfort zone size wise, throw in a bed of rocks underneath and a seriously long paddle and im shitting myself. Managed to get one wave, huge and fast! It was like this for the next few days, lots of beatings and not many waves! Surprisingly I didn't get whingy about my lack of waves as I put it down to conditioning. Oh and im really not that good at surfing!

On my second day a chap called Pat arrived. Hes from Bournemouth and a top guy. He was sharing a room with me and crazy Bob, we all got on pretty well! We also had a kiwi arrive the next night, on crazy Bobs leaving night. Crazy bob went for a surf about 3pm, he arrived back around 7.30 absolutely wired wanting to party. Turns out he got to the beach and before getting in the surf he had been invited to a party with 4 chicks. So after an hour of smashing down vodka's and beer's he came back to the hostel to change out of his wetsuit, grab some cash and go back for more. Turns out the girls didn't want to party as hard as he did so he had a carrier bag (party bag) with a bag of coke, some weed and an almost full bottle of vodka when he arrived back at the hostel. This was bad news for the kiwi who got ninja'd (mostly by Pat and I throwing him under the bus and baiting him) into getting wrecked and going to the capital of Peru, Lima for a 'party'. Bob had a vague address written on his hand from the girls! After a lot of pressure from Bob they dealt with the party bag and jumped on the bus to Lima. Turns out that on a Peruvian bank holiday Monday the only place open for a party was a seedy brothel, where the boys sat and enjoyed the drinks brought for them by seedy old men. At 5am they got back and both lads surfed at 9am after breakfast. Turns out crazy Bob is a school teacher!! So crazy Bob is no more but left great memories and about 10 twinings tea bags for me and Pat. Sick.

After a few more days surfing 'small' waves over rocks and urchins (getting thrashed by the sea mostly) I had a few waves under my belt. Loving life. We had two dutch guys arrive, Tim and Melissa, both legends. I decided to push the boat out, i was going to buy my first pineapple and treat the team to pudding! The owner of the hostel took me to the most mental market ive ever seen and told me he would meet me in the middle in an hour. Nice. So i was walking around aimlessly taking it all in. Some of the highlights were; an AK47 wielding guard (yeah, at the market), a full chicken halved complete with all internal organs on show and avaliable to buy (ate chicken hearts at dinner, decent), a woman sat in the middle of the street breast feeding her child whilst holding an open bag of boiled lemon sweets, a cardboard cut out of a road worker and a guy chopping a pig up with a chop saw. Beautiful. After my mind bending experience I bought my first pineapple. It was huge and sooo sweet. Although i had no idea what to do with it so Meliss kindly played mum and dealt with it.

We surfed at a new place today, Frontera beach. On the way Giorgios (greek guy, obviously) discovered a huge whole in my board. It appears that a black and orange board in a hot country isnt a great idea as it was trying to melt. Gaffa tape to the rescue, I will surf! While surfing i tried to get under a wave mid way through the session and saw a jellyfish the size of a basketball. Instantly ditched my board which nearly killed Giorgios and Martin (Argentinian). Sorry guys. Ended the session with a few more holes in my board somehow. Its now taken on water and needs serious repairs. Ace.

In the afternoon some Finnish sisters arrived. We were walking to the shop and I offered to buy one of their boards as a laugh. Turns out they were selling it and only wanted £40. Result! That night we watched the jungle book (pat loves it) and Elena (older sister) managed to pick up the nickname Winnifried after one of the elephants, good work Pat. Eva (younger sister, who later got nicknamed Vanessa for no reason) thought Winnifried was a great name for her sister!

The kiwi had to leave and on his last night we planned a rum party, this tied in nicely with a locals birthday and the hostel was brimming with people, booze and noise! We surfed in the morning and in the afternoon we cruised the town and had a beer by the beach. We decided to start the rum party early, about 6.30 i think. By 7.30 we were pretty pissed, Tim disappeared without trace. Meliss found him on the bathroom floor in his pants raplhing his tits off. I went to see him as we were having bbq ribs for dinner (Tim's favourite meal) and he confirmed his night was done, after less than 2 hours. Dinner was served although noone ate or remembered it. The kiwi and I kept smashing back the rum, Pat meanwhile was absolutely leathered and terrorising the locals with his Spanish. We accosted an Aussie called Jason (who Pat later nicknamed fat Jason despite him not being fat), Jason wasnt as pissed as us so he bought another bottle of rum about 10 or 11pm. I don't really remember that much but Pat definitely smooched a local Peruvian! The next day was a dark affair.

A day later and the first time paddling out on my new board we were about half way to where the waves were breaking when I saw fins in the water. I shit myself until one of the gang shouted "dolphins "! So the new board had good omens, dolphins on my first time out with it. Very happy, caught some good waves. We paddled out at the dolphin spot a day or 2 later, fun waves on offer with only 3 or 4 other guys out. Dreamy. Then, bang. The biggest fucking sea lion I have ever seen though it would be cool to have dinner right in front of where we were surfing. It had massive teeth and would randomly surface chomping big fish. Vanessa caught a wave and as she came of the wave the sea lion surfaced about 3 feet from her. I was scared and she looked very uncomfortable with the situation!

More surf to follow and i think we are having another rum party on Saturday as the waves drop off on Sunday. The clubs open this weekend too so should be fun!

Pics below are of the kiwi, my broken board, my new board and the hostel complete with surf wagon. Check out #landlockedsurferletloose on instagram for more lifestyle photos and some surf pics on the link below.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10205169936745279.1073741830.1150967679&type=1&l=792867bbcd

Thanks for reading!

Dan

The flight!

Its 4-45am, ive had just over 4 hours sleep and im in the shower preparing for a loooong journey. Quick/emotional goodbye to my parent's and im in my brothers car headed for Heathrow. Got all checked in and went for a coffe.

On the plane, managed to bag a full 4 seat row to myself. Watched about 5 films on fhe 10 hr flight to miami on the built in tv headrests. Minced around the airport for 2 hours wishing i had worn shorts as it was redders. Managed to squeeze in a bit of free wifi before my second flight, a quick 6 hours to Lima.

This time there was no posh plane with loads of space. Instead i felt like i was on a chicken plane with my knees around my ears. Could of been worse though, i could have left my bag in he runway like some unlucky sod had pre take off. My cold had decided that it had ran out of patience with pressurised air conditioned cabins and blocked up my whole face. Breathing was now a challenge and i was having serious issues controlling the snot levels and headaches. Dealt with about 5 lockets on the decent and

After landing just over 30 minutes late my head felt like a football  that had been pumped up too hard and like it was ready to explode. Quick flirt with customs and  im ready to collect  my bags. My rucksack came through straight away and i was loving life, 40 minutes later when my surfboard  turned up i was less enthusiastic. Now baggage collected i had to drag it through an xray machine. Still wearing jeans im now leaking from the skin.

So overall with bagge delays etc im running well over an hour later than i had agreed with my ride to the hostel. I was told to look for a European female with a sign showing my name. As i walked through to the collection part of  the  airport i was wishing shed be there. After fighting through what can only be described as a carnival in mid flow in the collection zone i saw my sign. Get in!

Gyorgy showed me to the car and off we went. Looking forward  to a quick 40 minute drive. However, we faced more carnival action, closed roads and the wildest one wat system ive ever seen. We got to the hostel about 6.30am uk time.

After nearly 26 hours travelling with no sleep i was shown to my room. Ive never had such a deep intense sleep in my life. Its 2am local time and breakfast is as 8. Its begun...